By: Benji

Roo-saders vs All Tim-Tams

The day started out as usual with legs aloft in the air, the pre-game exercises working their subtle magic on the stricken muscles of the Roos. Trav “had too much pav” Dixon started with his own personal routine – stoic and silent with introspection or maybe just gas. Frank “the now tempered tank” Saffery was feeling quite lonesome without his companion, fellow tall-glass-of-Brittish-ale, Tom “Cocksy the long matchstick” Cocks.

However, along with blood-alcohol levels, spirits were high! The only matter of concern was Dom “the tardy pom” Sumner and his highly anticipated arrival. It was only when the referee blew his whistle for the players to take the field, that a disheveled Dom came hastily across the field bumbling with his footy boots. A clipboard wielding Sean “Gibbers” Gibson (Gandalf to his much-loved female hobbits) did not rejoice at such a delay, stamping his foot down exclaiming “You shall NOT take the field!”. And so, Dom plopped his plums on the bench in wait for a later gallop. The Roo-saders hopped out of the starting blocks with gusto. Building pressure in defense from the get-go. The All Tim-Tams didn’t know what had bit them as they reeled into emergency battle formation. But nothing was to stop this early Roo-sader onslaught. The Roos drew first blood through a barnstorming tap-and-go, by Brett “P.S. I love you” Pentland-Smith.

However, it wasn’t long before the All Tim-Tams refilled their choco-centers with sweet retribution points down the left wing. The Roos lost focus and discipline and the All Tim-Tams added more points when a particularly dynamic Tim-Tam burst out of the packet for a try up the center. This time they added the extra topping to close the half out 12-7 up.

At oranges, El Capitano, Brett, let everyone know that he was filthy with the 50/50s. Brett impressed that the Roos were to cut the last-ditch snaps, crackles and pops. Trav added that he personally admired the team’s dedication to the globe-trotter-esque style of play (no one enjoys an England-in-the-wet style of victory).

The All Tim-Tams turned up the sweet with more points early in the second half. The Roo-saders were boxed in and on the ropes but kept spring in their step. “Coast-guard” Keith Wilkins was the everywhere man, ferreting from one ruck to the next like the opposition were trafficking drugs through them. Brett decided to turn the tide through some forward charges and (yep, you guessed it) 50/50 offloads. The gods favored the Roos and this turned out to be the right recipe for a meat pie! Shogo “The Big Show and Go” Kuwahara went over for a fantastic finish. The Roo-saders were up and hopping.

However, yet again, the All Tim-Tams found space to penetrate the Roos’ teacup and dip into the milk. But this wasn’t the crew’s last bite at the bickie and Susumu “the foot” Maeda performed as named and continued through for a try on the back off some smooth back line linking. Susumu then put the tomato sauce on his own meat pie with a successful conversion. Yoshitaka “The Tac” Yasufuku had been punching holes into the opposition defense all match and continued this form into this late stage in the piece. He found space and popped the cherry over to Yori “the Lawry” (because he always delivers the perfect parcel) Sugimoto, who swung it to Susumu who cut into the opposition like Tooley into a lunch. It was all happening, Susumu, à la Bill Cosby, slipped the pill to Dom “the now redeemed Pom” Sumner, who ‘sumned’ this one up nicely with a bounding try to give the Roos a late lead. There was still time on the clock, and a last ditch All Tim-Tam supper was feared. Luckily, Captain

Brett “The Brain” had a plan. He managed to secure the ball and proceeded to toss it out like last month’s rabbit food. Unfortunately, by some miracle, this happened to be the one obscure rule the trainee Ref knew, and he promptly gave the opposition a penalty ten meters out from Roos sacred ground. Brett was dismayed; as was the entire bench who gave a collective shout of “What the gum leaves are you doing you Galah!” or something to that effect. Luckily for Roos, the All Tim-Tams spilt the milk and after a quick scrum some bloody legend kicked Wilson for six and the game was all over red rover. In the post-game parliament, the opposition elected Yoshitaka “The Tac” Yasufuku and Yori “the Lawry” Sugimoto best players and after the same 3 Tooley go-to-gaggers, everyone hit the showers.

Post-match, the team headed to Kita-Senju (not to be confused with “Mummy loves me” Minami-Senju) to get their laughing gear around some cold ones. It was cheers and beers. Later the drinks were Moscow Mules but the women weren’t – with some, as Tooley would say, “real good sorts”. The single fellas were running amok, G-Sup ‘supped-in (horrible Kiwi accent) the atmos’ and was lovin’ it more than Trav on a 3 a.m. Maccas run. All-in-all, it was a great day/night out, and if it wasn’t for this amazing recount not a sole would remember what the bloody hell happened.

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