Match Report vs. Nerima

by Corey Carter Recommended song while reading ‘Fever for the Flavor’ by Hot Action Cop The day was Sunday, the day after Saturday, and the Crusaders had barely arrived at Shin-Shimabata station…unlike our TeamSnap roster had suggested. Hangovers were in the air, and bathrooms were horribly put to shame. While walking to the Edogawa Pitch, we noticed the weather was less windy than our last meeting against Jackie and his Queens of PSI. The lack of wind gave the Mighty Cru a breath of life, as we could take on anything that Allah brought to our feet. Conversations were full of life as many topics were discussed: pro-league rugby upsets; pope porn, planning for the Taiwan tour, and Foster watching gay porn with his mate when they were kids. We finally arrived to the pitch and began our transformation into rugby players. We could see our opponent in the distance, preparing for the Champions Cup that we both so eagerly needed. The warm- went as planned until Sparrow forgot to have us open the gate – a vital part of every game, necessary for our success. We thought that demise was surely in our future, until we saw a bike in the distance. Was it Travis? Reece? No it was our very own Tooley, riding in looking like a Pee-Wee Herman wannabe, coming to our rescue to help paint the pitch (which was very straight if I might add, almost like a circle). The game kicked off and we went from a friendly Sunday to the middle of a war field. We scored right away with Shinichi, letting Nerima know that we meant business. We had to pick up the weight for some of our more experienced players, as they were not among us: one in particular was Reece “My Ankle Hurts” Morgan. It was a brutal fight during the first half with John, Dylan the Dildo, and Tavis promoting our score even further. Nerima even tried to dwindle our force by kicking Matt Sparrow in his Frankfurter, crippling him for a few moments. 5 minutes before the half, Matt “I Need a Break” Foster went down momentarily for his knee, which he shook off right before the whistle blew, leading us to half time. The second half started like a shart. Nerima clearly wanted that W, but even as much as they tried, we held on. The match continued and for every mistake we made, Nerima capitalised and made us pay for it. After a ruck had been formed, Corey “Balls in my Face” Carter did just as his nickname says: he caught a ball in his face, making a familiar slapping sound that a preteen would know from certain movies on the internet. The ball went back and Nerima stole it, getting a try almost instantly. We managed to maintain our lead, and Nerima never came back, and so we finished our game on top as planned. We named our MVPs Dildo from the Cru and the scrumhalf from Nerima (which we named incorrectly – go figure). The Game had been won and we went to enjoy some drinks in Tooley’s backyard. Key points from the bar are as follows: 62 yrs old Tooley Mighty Joe Young enjoying maybe a little too much Rob never finishing his Buffalo Tavis never doing a Buffalo Frank’s boots literally falling apart on the pitch Tongue Punching Mother Theresa’s Fartbox Signing out here. This message has been brought to you by Corey “Balls in My Face” Carter. And remember…wherever you go, that is where you are.