By Owen Morris So, we were playing against the Fevers; ironically named, given that the mid-May temperature was hotter than a junkie’s teaspoon, meaning the artificial turf was at serious risk of melting. After displaying a morbidly average level of enthusiasm in the 5 minute game of touch rugby that formed the basis of the warm-up, we were feeling confident enough to mix up the team positions a little. Secondrows became fullbacks, scrumhalfs became backrows, and Sparrow became a hooker. (Not for the first time apparently, wink wink) It should be noted that the ground staff had already decided that putting up posts would be a bit too much effort, meaning that Ahmed ‘Yoyo’ Yayhe was unable to repeat his kicking performance from the previous week. It should also be noted that this was my first game for the Cru, so I didn’t see Ahmed’s kicking the week before, but I did play with him at YCAC so I can imagine his kicking was as accurate as a George Lucas remake of Braveheart. Alongside myself in the debutants corner, were also Gareth Tait, Tomoki Ikushima and Mamoru Adachi. It would be a bit presumptuous of me to welcome us to the team, so I’ll leave that for someone else to do. The first half kicked off, balls were caught, tackles were made, and pods were practiced. It didn’t take long before the Fevers line was broken, with Reece warming to his role at stand-off by running through the defence and going over somewhere near where the posts would have been for the first try of his first half hat-trick. Loads of other tries were scored in the first half, and I don’t want to list them all, instead I want to focus on Matt Foster’s touch-kicking. On the first penalty, the Cru were awarded in their own half, Matt, playing at fullback, stepped up to the plate. Now, despite never having seen him kick before, I hope I’ll be forgiven for not being filled with confidence about his kicking abilities, and the Fever’s winger seemed to match my pessimism as he set himself a mere 15 meters down the touch line from where the penalty was awarded. But once Matt put hoof to ball it was clear that his less-than-lithe build was just an elaborate mask, and he slammed the ball to just short of the opposition 22. It was a thing of beauty. He tried the same a few minutes later and ended up surpassing even his own expectations by putting it dead behind the Fevers goal-line. Anyway, the second half got underway, though after only a few minutes Cru had their first injury of the game, with Tooley injuring his abdominal muscles after being hit in the head. If anyone can explain this, please let me know. More tries were scored, with Yoyo going over to complete a hat-trick, which resulted in a call from the side line of “Ahmed, you’re handicapped” as though that was new information. In fact, after a while, so many of the backs were restricted to ‘five steps before passing’ that the back line was more handicapped than a crippled golfer. That didn’t stop us though, with the forwards taking up the try-scoring mantle; the noteworthy one being Sparrow catching the ball from a kick off and running at the defence, which parted like a Geordie’s legs, allowing him to run from our 10 meter line to the try line before any other Crusader could really be bothered to move. I don’t want to focus too much on the other tries, instead I want to focus on Matt Foster’s second half kicking. It was a spectacular return to the form you’d expect from a second row, at one point almost missing the ball entirely. The final whistle came, and the final score was 70 – 10. The opposition flyhalf – Mr Honda – got our vote for their MVP, whilst Matt Foster was voted as the Cru MVP for being so big that no-one could tackle him. Anyway, I’ve probably taken the piss out of people I’ve only just met more than enough, so I’ll finish there, except to say that both the match and the post-match drinks at The Hangover were a great way to spend a Saturday, and I look forward to the next one.